Importance of Nurturing Relationships

Here’s something I don’t talk about enough: I’m naturally inclined toward solitude. My hobbies, my work, this blog—they’re all things I can do alone, and honestly, I cherish that solo time. There’s a story I tell myself constantly: that work absorbs so much of my mental energy that when I get home or even on weekends, I just need to be alone to recharge. It’s a comfortable narrative, and for a long time, I believed it completely.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth about loneliness—it creeps up on you. You don’t notice it when you’re busy, when you’re achieving, when you’re methodically checking off your to-do list. You notice it in the quiet moments, when professional success feels hollow because there’s no one to genuinely share it with. When you realize you’ve been so focused on building your career, your portfolio, your independence, that you’ve accidentally built walls instead of bridges.

I’ve learned, often the hard way, that fulfillment isn’t just about reaching your goals. It’s about having people who genuinely celebrate with you when you do—and who sit with you when you don’t. As someone who has spent considerable energy on financial stability, building investments, and taking radical ownership of my life, I’m still learning that relationships require the same intentional effort.

This post is about recognizing that nurturing relationships isn’t just nice to have—it’s foundational to a life well-lived. It’s about understanding the difference between networking and genuine connection, between catching up and actually being present, between maintaining relationships out of obligation and investing in them because they matter.

Beyond Networking: What We’re Really Talking About

Let’s clear something up right away: this isn’t another post about “networking for career success” or “building your personal brand through connections.” There are plenty of those out there, and they serve a purpose. But that’s not what this is about.

This is about something deeper and more fundamental—the actual human connections that make life worth living. The relationships that exist not because they might advance your career or open doors, but because they enrich your existence in ways that have nothing to do with professional advancement.

As we navigate our careers and personal projects, it’s easy to get tunnel vision. Goals, deadlines, the constant drive to get ahead—these things can consume us completely. I know this cycle intimately. As a director at an energy company, I understand the pressure to perform, to deliver, to constantly prove value. And when you add side projects, investments, and personal goals to the mix, relationships can start to feel like just another item on an already overwhelming to-do list.

But here’s what I’ve realized: relationships aren’t a task to complete. They’re the foundation that makes everything else worthwhile.

Success without people to share it with is just accomplishment on paper. Financial independence without meaningful connections is just comfortable isolation. Professional achievement without relationships is a trophy case that no one visits.

The Modern Loneliness Epidemic

Before we talk about solutions, let’s acknowledge something important: you’re not alone in feeling alone.

There’s a documented loneliness epidemic in modern society, particularly in developed countries and especially among professionals. The US Surgeon General declared loneliness a public health crisis in 2023, citing research showing it has health impacts equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Think about that for a moment.

Why is this happening now, when we’re supposedly more “connected” than ever?

The Paradox of Modern Connection

We have hundreds of social media connections, instant messaging, video calls across continents. Yet many of us feel more isolated than previous generations who had none of these tools. Why?

• Digital connection replaced physical presence: Likes and comments feel like interaction, but they don’t activate the same neural pathways as face-to-face connection
• Geographic mobility: We move for careers, separating from established support networks
• Work demands increased: Longer hours, always-on culture, blurred work-life boundaries
• Social spaces disappeared: Third places (not home, not work) where people naturally gathered have declined
• Curated lives create comparison: Everyone’s highlight reel makes our regular lives feel inadequate

Add to this the rise of remote work (which I personally appreciate for flexibility but recognize has social costs), the decline of organized religion and community institutions, and the increasing acceptability of staying home rather than engaging socially—and you have a perfect storm for isolation.

The Professional Trap

High achievers face a particular challenge. Success often requires sacrifice, and relationships are frequently what gets sacrificed. We tell ourselves:

• “I’ll invest in relationships once I hit this career milestone”
• “I’m too busy right now; I’ll reconnect later”
• “My career needs my full attention during these critical years”
• “Socializing is a distraction from my goals”

But “later” keeps getting pushed back. The milestone gets reached, but there’s always another one. The busy period ends, but another begins. And one day you look up and realize you’re professionally successful but personally isolated.

I’ve been there. I’ve chosen work over social invitations countless times. I’ve let friendships fade because I was “too busy.” I’ve convinced myself that my introversion was the reason, when really it was just easier to focus on tangible goals than the messy, unquantifiable work of maintaining relationships.

Decline of average social connections and rise in digital connections

The Difference Between Catching Up and Being Present

There’s a fundamental difference between catching up with someone once every few months and actually being in someone’s life. One is maintenance; the other is presence.

When you’re truly in someone’s life, you know the small stuff—their daily frustrations, their little victories, the mundane details that actually make up a life. You’re not just getting the highlight reel during scheduled coffee dates. You know they’re stressed about that project at work, that they’re excited about trying that new restaurant, that their kid said something funny yesterday.

This is the kind of closeness that develops not from grand gestures but from consistent, everyday presence. It’s the difference between someone you catch up with and someone who’s actually in your life.

The Phone Call Paradox

The Vulnerability Requirement

Presence requires vulnerability. It means letting people see you on regular days, not just your best days. It means admitting when you’re struggling, not just posting when you’re winning. It means asking for help, not just offering it.

I’ve pushed myself to go out with people and talk about things other than work, and almost every time, the experience feels what I can only describe as foreign, unusual, and definitely beneficial. It’s a powerful reminder that stepping outside our own busy minds is not just a social obligation, but a genuine asset to our own well-being.

Strong relationships are our support system; they’re the people who ground us and offer perspectives we can’t see on our own. This connects directly to what I discuss in my post about radical ownership—taking responsibility for our lives includes taking responsibility for actively maintaining the relationships that support us.

Quality Over Quantity: Your Relationship Portfolio

Here’s something that might come as a relief: you don’t need a massive social network. Research suggests that humans can only maintain about 150 meaningful relationships (Dunbar’s number), and most of us have closer circles of 3-5 people we’re genuinely close to, 15-20 we’re good friends with, and 50 or so we’d consider friends.

The goal isn’t to collect connections like trading cards. It’s to cultivate a portfolio of relationships across different domains that together create a support network.

The Relationship Portfolio Framework

Think of your relationships like an investment portfolio (yes, I’m going to use a finance metaphor—it’s who I am). You need diversification:

Inner Circle (3-5 people):
These are your ride-or-die relationships. The people you can call at 3 AM. Who know your history, your struggles, your real self. These relationships require the most investment but provide the most support. They might include:

• Your partner or spouse
• One or two best friends
• Perhaps a sibling or parent
• Maybe a mentor or very close colleague

Close Friends (10-20 people):
People you see regularly, who you enjoy spending time with, who you’d help if they needed it and vice versa. You might not share everything with them, but you share a lot. These include:

• Regular friend group members
• Close colleagues you socialize with outside work
• Family members you’re close to
• Neighbors or community connections you’re friendly with

Broader Network (50-150 people):
Acquaintances, professional contacts, extended family, friends you see occasionally. These relationships are lighter but still valuable. They provide diversity of perspective, potential opportunities, and a sense of belonging to larger communities.

The key insight: you can’t maintain deep relationships with everyone, and that’s okay. But you can be intentional about where you invest your relational energy.

Relationship Portfolio

Setting Boundaries Without Building Walls

Let’s be real about something important: not every relationship deserves equal energy. Learning to protect your space and set boundaries is crucial for preventing burnout. I’ve had to learn the hard way that people-pleasing leads to resentment and exhaustion.

But here’s the nuance I’m still learning to navigate: boundaries aren’t walls. You can protect your energy without completely closing yourself off to possibility.

The Art of Selective Availability

You never really know what a relationship might become. That colleague you keep at arm’s length might become a trusted mentor. The acquaintance you almost wrote off might introduce you to your next opportunity or become one of your closest friends. Life is long, and people surprise you.

The skill is learning to:

• Recognize energy vampires: Some people consistently drain you, demand your attention without reciprocation, or create drama. These relationships deserve firm boundaries
• Identify potential depth: Some relationships, given time and investment, could become much more meaningful
• Accept casual connections: Not every relationship needs to be deep. Casual friendships and professional relationships can be valuable without being intimate
• Be honest about capacity: You can’t be everything to everyone. Sometimes the kindest thing is to be clear about what you can and can’t offer

Healthy Boundaries Look Like:

• Saying no to invitations when you genuinely need rest, without guilt
• Being clear about your availability and communication preferences
• Not feeling obligated to respond immediately to every message
• Choosing not to engage with toxic or draining dynamics
• Protecting time for your priorities while still making space for relationships
• Being honest when you can’t take on someone else’s problems

Unhealthy Walls Look Like:

• Using “I’m an introvert” as an excuse to avoid all social interaction
• Never being vulnerable or letting people in
• Canceling plans habitually, not just occasionally
• Viewing all social interaction as a burden rather than a balance of cost and benefit
• Refusing to make time for relationships because work is always the priority
• Keeping everyone at the same superficial distance

The goal is to be selective about where you invest your relational energy while remaining open to genuine connection when it presents itself.

A Practical Approach to Different Relationship Types

Different relationships require different approaches. Let’s break down some key categories and how to nurture them effectively:

Professional Relationships and Colleagues

It’s easy to let professional contacts fade after you leave a company or when projects end. But maintaining these connections doesn’t have to be a huge time commitment.

The bare minimum maintenance:

• A quick check-in message on LinkedIn every few months
• Forwarding an article you think they’d find interesting
• Commenting thoughtfully on their professional updates
• Congratulating them on promotions or achievements

Going deeper:

• Grabbing coffee once or twice a year
• Making introductions when you can help them
• Attending their professional events or supporting their projects
• Actually asking how they’re doing and listening to the answer

This is a core part of taking radical ownership of your career path. But remember: authentic connection beats transactional networking every time. People can sense when you’re only reaching out because you need something.

Romantic Partners and Spouses

These are often our closest relationships, but sometimes the ones we take for granted the most. The irony of long-term relationships is that familiarity can breed complacency.

The essential practices:

• Intentional quality time: Being in the same room isn’t the same as being present. Put away devices, make eye contact, actually engage
• Regular check-ins: How are we doing? What do you need from me? What’s been on your mind?
• Maintain individual identities: Healthy relationships include two whole people, not two halves of one unit
• Keep dating: Schedule dedicated time together, try new experiences, maintain the romance and friendship that started the relationship
• Communicate about communication: Talk about how you both prefer to receive love, attention, and support

For partners, scheduled date nights matter. Sometimes a shared experience is the best way to reconnect. Planning a trip together, perhaps using points from a card like the Chase Sapphire card (links below!), turns routine into adventure and creates shared memories that strengthen your bond.

Family Relationships

Family dynamics are complex. Sometimes family provides our strongest support; sometimes family relationships are the most challenging to navigate. You might have family you’re close to and family you maintain polite distance from—both are valid.

For family you want to stay close to:

• Scheduled regular contact: Weekly calls, monthly video chats, whatever rhythm works for your situation
• Visit when possible: Physical presence matters, especially for aging parents or growing nieces and nephews
• Include them in your life: Share both struggles and successes, not just the highlight reel
• Create traditions: Annual gatherings, holiday routines, shared activities that become touchstones
• Address conflicts directly: Don’t let resentments build; family relationships are worth the discomfort of honest conversation

For complex family relationships:

• You can love family from a distance
• Boundaries are especially important with family who don’t respect them
• You’re not obligated to maintain relationships that are actively harmful
• Sometimes the healthiest choice is limiting contact

Friendships: The Relationships We Choose

For many of us, friendships can be the first thing to slide when life gets busy. This is the area I know I need to work on the most. Between demanding careers, romantic relationships, family obligations, and everything else, friendships can feel like a luxury rather than a necessity.

But research shows that strong friendships are critical for mental health, longevity, and life satisfaction—sometimes even more so than family relationships, because we choose our friends based on genuine compatibility rather than obligation.

Maintaining friendships as an adult requires:

• Accepting lower frequency: You won’t see friends as often as you did in school or your 20s, and that’s okay. Quality over quantity
• Being proactive: Waiting for the other person to reach out means both of you wait. Someone has to go first
• Shared activities: Sometimes the best way to connect is doing something together rather than just talking. It takes the pressure off
• Showing up for the big moments: Weddings, funerals, major life events—these are when presence matters most
• Forgiving missed connections: Life happens. Don’t let long gaps end friendships

Mentors and Mentees

These relationships often get overlooked but can be incredibly valuable at different life stages.

Finding and maintaining mentors:

• Don’t formally ask “Will you be my mentor?” – instead, build the relationship organically through shared interest and respect
• Come prepared when you meet – respect their time by having specific questions or topics
• Keep them updated on how their advice helped – people want to know their guidance made a difference
• Look for mentors in unexpected places – not just senior people in your field

Being a mentor:

• You don’t need to be an expert to mentor – you just need to be a few steps ahead
• Being generous with your knowledge and connections builds your legacy
• You often learn as much from teaching as your mentee does from learning
• Set clear expectations about your availability and what you can offer

What Strengthens and What Weakens Connections

Through trial and error—mostly error, if I’m honest—I’ve identified patterns that either strengthen or weaken relationships. These aren’t revolutionary insights, but they’re worth articulating clearly:

Modern Challenges: Social Media, Remote Work, and Busy Lives

Our parents and grandparents faced different challenges in maintaining relationships, but they didn’t have to navigate the particular minefield of modern connection. Let’s address some of these head-on:

The Social Media Paradox

Social media gives us the illusion of connection while often deepening our isolation. We know what everyone ate for dinner but not how they’re really doing. We see their vacation photos but don’t know about their struggles.

The problem:

• Passive consumption replaces active engagement
• Comparison culture makes us feel inadequate
• We mistake awareness for connection
• Digital interactions trigger different (weaker) neural responses than in-person connection
• The algorithm shows us content designed to provoke engagement (often negative), not meaningful connection

The solution:

• Use social media as a starting point, not an ending point – see someone’s update, text or call them directly
• Post vulnerability occasionally, not just highlights – it invites real connection
• Use it to coordinate in-person meetings, not replace them
• Consider limiting your consumption to avoid comparison spirals
• Remember: you’re seeing everyone’s edited version, not their reality

The Remote Work Challenge

Remote work has benefits (I’m a big fan of the flexibility), but it eliminates the organic social interaction that used to happen in offices. The water cooler conversations, the lunch outings, the after-work drinks—these informal interactions built and maintained relationships naturally.

When working remotely:

• Schedule virtual coffee chats with colleagues, not just work meetings
• Attend in-person company events when possible
• Be intentional about non-work social interaction to compensate
• Consider co-working spaces occasionally for ambient social interaction
• Build local community connections outside of work

The Busy Life Problem

Everyone is busy. Busy has become a status symbol, a way to signal importance. But “I’m too busy” has become a default excuse that prevents connection.

The truth? We make time for what we prioritize. If relationships aren’t happening, it’s not because you don’t have time—it’s because you haven’t made them a priority.

This sounds harsh, but it’s also empowering. If it’s a priority problem, you can change priorities. You can’t create more hours, but you can allocate existing hours differently. This connects to what I write about in optimizing your evenings—how you use your limited free time matters.

Repairing Damaged Relationships (And When to Let Go)

Not all relationships survive life’s changes. Sometimes they fade naturally; sometimes they end with conflict. Both scenarios require navigation.

Repairing Relationships

If a relationship matters to you and it’s become strained, repair is often possible. It requires:

• Taking responsibility: Acknowledge your role in the rift, even if you don’t think it was entirely your fault
• Direct communication: Address the issue directly rather than hoping it will resolve itself
• Genuine apology: If you hurt them, apologize without justification or defensiveness
• Patience: Rebuilding trust takes time; don’t expect immediate resolution
• Changed behavior: Apologies without changed behavior are just words
• Acceptance: The relationship might not return to exactly what it was, and that’s okay

Sometimes the simple act of reaching out—even after years—can rekindle a valuable connection. That awkward “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you” message is almost always well-received, even if it’s been a while.

When to Let Go

Not every relationship deserves repair. Some relationships are actively harmful; others have simply run their course. It’s okay to let them go.

Signs a relationship might not be worth maintaining:

• Consistent one-sidedness where you’re always the one reaching out
• Patterns of betrayal, manipulation, or disrespect
• The relationship consistently leaves you feeling worse, not better
• Values have diverged so dramatically that common ground no longer exists
• The other person has made it clear they don’t want the relationship
• Maintaining it requires you to be inauthentic or compromise your boundaries

Letting go doesn’t require dramatic declarations or bridge-burning. Sometimes it just means accepting that you’ve grown in different directions and gracefully reducing investment and contact.

Your Relationship Action Plan

Enough theory. Here’s your practical roadmap for strengthening your relationships starting this week:

This Week: The Relationship Audit

Step 1: Map your current relationships

Write down the people in your life across categories: inner circle, close friends, broader network. Be honest about current investment levels versus desired investment levels.

Step 2: Identify gaps

• Are there important relationships you’ve been neglecting?
• Are you over-invested in relationships that drain you?
• Do you have enough diversity (professional, personal, different life stages, different perspectives)?
• What types of relationships are you lacking?

Step 3: Make three immediate contacts

Before the week ends, reach out to three people you’ve been meaning to connect with. Don’t overthink it. A simple “Hey, I was thinking about you” is enough to start.

This Month: Build Consistent Habits

Schedule regular check-ins:

• Weekly call with one close friend or family member
• Monthly coffee or lunch with professional contact
• Quarterly gathering with friend group
• Whatever frequency works for you—but put it on the calendar

Create a “reach out” reminder:

Set a weekly reminder to contact one person you haven’t talked to recently. Just one person, one message. Small but consistent.

Say yes to at least one social invitation you’d normally decline:

Push yourself out of your comfort zone. You don’t have to say yes to everything, but try saying yes to more things.

This Quarter: Deepen Specific Relationships

Pick 2-3 relationships you want to invest in more deeply. For each:

• Schedule a substantial block of time together (not just coffee—a hike, a day trip, a longer conversation)
• Have a deeper conversation than usual – ask meaningful questions, share more authentically
• Do something new together – novel experiences create stronger memories
• Offer specific help or support based on what they’re dealing with
• Follow up on things they’ve mentioned – show you were listening

This Year: The Long Game

Relationships are built over years, not weeks. Commit to:

• Showing up for major life events – weddings, celebrations, difficult times
• Maintaining connections even when life gets busy
• Being vulnerable and authentic, not just presenting a polished version
• Repairing relationships that matter when conflicts arise
• Regularly reassessing and rebalancing your relationship investments

A Reading List for Deeper Connection

Just like with finance or fitness, we can learn to be better at relationships. If you’re looking for guidance, here are ten highly-recommended books that cover everything from communication and friendships to professional networking. I’ve found that intentionally learning about these topics is a genuine game-changer.

Final Thoughts: The ROI of Human Connection

Here’s the truth I keep coming back to: nurturing relationships is an ongoing practice, not a problem to be solved once. It requires the same kind of consistent effort we put into our careers, our finances, or our health. And unlike those other areas, the ROI on relationships is immeasurable—you can’t quantify the value of having someone to call when life gets hard or someone who genuinely celebrates your wins.

The irony is that the times when we most need connection are often when we’re least likely to seek it out. When we’re stressed, overwhelmed, or struggling, our instinct is to withdraw, to handle it alone, to not burden others. But that’s exactly when we need to push past the resistance and reach out.

Because on the other side of that scary phone call or awkward first hangout in months is usually exactly what we needed all along—someone who reminds us we’re not alone, who offers a perspective we couldn’t see, who cares about us beyond our productivity or achievements.

I’m still learning this. I still default to isolation when stressed. I still have to actively remind myself that relationships aren’t a distraction from the important work—they are the important work. Everything else we’re building—the careers, the investments, the goals, the achievements—means very little without people to share it with.

Success isn’t reaching the top alone. It’s bringing people with you and having people who celebrate when you get there. It’s also having people who support you when you don’t reach the top, when you fail, when you’re struggling.

So start small. Make that phone call you’ve been putting off. Accept that invitation instead of declining. Reach out to someone you’ve been thinking about. Show up for someone who needs you. Be vulnerable with someone you trust. Take the first step, even if it’s uncomfortable.

Because life is long, but it’s also unpredictable. The relationships you nurture today are the ones that will sustain you tomorrow. And tomorrow might be when you need them most.

Your turn: What’s one relationship you’ve been neglecting? What small action can you take this week to reconnect? Share in the comments—your commitment might inspire someone else to reach out to someone they’ve been thinking about.